I have been feeling very depressed lately,the reality is sinking in.....my no pay leave is ending soon and i have to be back to work in a mth time.The thought of leaving jairus to others to take care really breaks my heart.I understand his grandparents love him alot and he will be in good hands but this means i am no longer the first person he sees when he gets up every morning n im gonna miss that lovely morning smile of his.i love how he and i laze around in bed each morning and i will miss preparing porridge,feeding him and even bathing him.I wonder whats the point of giving birth to a baby n leaving him in someone else care at the end of the day.I will only be seeing him for a few hrs each day.Will i miss his moment of crawling and walking?i really cherish every moment we spend together now and i wonder will i regret my decision when he grows up.I gonna miss him so so much.I miss the days when i was preggie with him , at least he is in my stomach and i can protect and be with him all the time.
He is growing at an amazing rate and the day will come when Jairus grow up and loves to be with his friends instead of us.How long more can i carry n cuddle him in my arms?Im so envious that my frens are able to be a stay at home mum,i dun wanna be a green eye monster,i love munn n do not wish to burden him with any financial issues.
Yes im able to take no pay leave up to 4 years but since im getting my connect plan next yr i really dunno if i should be going back.On the other hand Im worried abt $$$.WIll i be able to cope without any salary>how abt all my commitment?I asked god for an answer but i feel he is ignoring me,i dun hear from him.Many ppl hv been encouraging me to stay at hm for a yr or two,can i really afford?
I have cried many times over this issue,can anyone enlighten me?
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